just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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