Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize