He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
