he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
