So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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