Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
