Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
