he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Dignity is for republicans.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
