Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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