If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
