how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I am one with the molecules
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
