Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
