Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
