I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize