I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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