WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
