My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
