he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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