woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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