on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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