I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
