Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
