How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
