im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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