a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
