he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
two words...techno handjob
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize