White coat. Heels.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
