Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
two words: eviction party
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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