I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
pray to the hookup gods
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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