I want to have your abortion
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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