I bet he comes in French.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
