I feel like I'm in dance class right now
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
