hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
