my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
