Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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