If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
