I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
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