i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
