thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize