I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
