Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
