five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize