Your face is a jimmy john
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
