Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
