He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
