Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
