You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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