So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
