do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
