windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
