I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
