You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
