i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
