Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
