What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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