i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
