he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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