he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
