He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
