so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
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