You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Randomize
