so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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