Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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