I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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