I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
