Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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