I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
